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Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch


The Dead Parrot Sketch is a popular sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus. Written by John Cleese and Graham Chapman in the 1960's, it is one of the most famous sketches in the history of British television. It is a dialogue between Mr. Praline, a customer, and a shop owner. They are arguing over the state of a Norwegian Blue parrot bought by Mr. Praline.






The cast:

MR. PRALINE - John Cleese
SHOP OWNER - Michael Palin


The sketch:

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (Pragnę złożyć reklamację.)

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: (pause) I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. (Nie ważne chłopcze.)
I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased (zakupiłem) not half an hour ago from this very boutique. 

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it? (A co z nią jest nie tak?)

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! (Ona jest martwa, oto co jest z nią nie tak!)

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. (Ona odpoczywa.)

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. 

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't it, ay? Beautiful plumage! (Piękne upierzenie!)

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead. (Upierzenie nie ma nic do tego. Jest kompletnie martwa.)

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show... (Mam dla ciebie cudowna świeżutką mątwę jeśli tylko pokarzesz...)

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved! (O! Ruszyła się!)

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage! (Nie, nie ruszyła się. To ty uderzyłeś w klatkę!)

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! 

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot. (No, to właśnie nazywam martwą papugą.)

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned! (Nie, ona jest ogłuszona!)

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!? (Ogłuszona?!?)

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major. (Ogłuszyłeś ją jak się budziła! Bardzo łatwo można ogłuszyć Norwegian Blues)

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. (Mam  już tego po dziurki w nosie!) 
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk. (Ta papuga jest definitywnie nieboszczykiem, a kiedy ją kupowałem nie całe pół godziny temu, zapewniałeś mnie, że jej kompletny brak ruchu jest wynikiem zmęczenia i zmordowania na skutek długiego skrzeczenia.)

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. (Eh, ona prawdopodobnie tęskni za fiordami.)

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? (Tęskni za fiordami?!) 
What kind of talk is that?
Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home? (Posłuchaj, to dlaczego padła na grzbiet jak długa w momencie kiedy przyniosłem ją do domu?)

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! (Norwegian Blue preferuje leżenie na grzbiecie!)
Beautiful bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. (Posłuchaj! Pozwoliłem sobie zbadać tą papugę kiedy ją przyniosłem do domu i odkryłem, że jedynym powodem dla którego siedzi na pręcie jest fakt, że została do niego przybita gwoździami.)
(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! (Gdybym jej nie przybił gwoździami to wsadziłaby dziób między pręty klatki, rozgięłaby je dziobem i FRUUU! - zwróćcie uwagę jakie piękne trzecie zdanie warunkowe!)

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised! (Stary! Ten ptak by nie pofrunął nawet jeśli byś przepuścił przez niego cztery miliony voltów! On jest cholernym zgonem!)

Owner: No no! 'E's pining! (Ona tęskni!)

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! (Ona odeszła!) This parrot is no more! (Jej już nie ma!) He has ceased to be! (Ona przestała istnieć!) 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! (Ona wygasła i poszła na spotkanie ze stwórcą!) 'E's a stiff! (Jest sztywna!) Bereft of life (Pozbawiona życia), 'e rests in peace! (Spoczywa w pokoju!) If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! (Jakbyś jej nie przybił gwoździami do pręta to by wąchała kwiatki od spodu!)  'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! (Jej procesy metaboliczne są już historią!) 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket (Stuknęła w kalendarz), 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! (To jest ex-papuga!)

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (Lepiej ją wymienię)
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots. (Skończyły nam się papugi)

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture. (Rozumiem. Rozumiem, rozumiem sytuację.)

Owner: (pause) I got a slug. (Mam nagiego ślimaka.)

(pause)


Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk? (Błagam, czy on mówi?)

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S SARCELY A REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!? (No cóż, to żadna wymiana, nieprawdaż?)

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Mr. Praline: This is Bolton, is it? (Jestem w Bolton, prawda?)

Owner: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch. (Nie, w Ipswitch)

Mr. Praline: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

(Mr. Praine goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".)

Mr. Praline: I wish to complain. (Chciałbym złożyć zażalenie)

Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!! (Ja wcale nie muszę tego robić, wiesz?)

Mr. Praline: I beg your pardon...? (Słucham?)

Attendant: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss! (Jestem wykwalifikowanym neurochirurgiem! Robię to tylko dlatego, że lubię być swoim szefem!)

Mr. Praline: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it? (Przepraszam, to jest nieistotne, czyż nie?)

Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.

Mr. Praline: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch. (No cóż, pragnę złożyć zażalenie. Wsiadłem do pociągu do Bolton i znalazłem się tutaj, w Ipswitch.)

Attendant: No, this is Bolton.

Mr. Praline: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

Attendant: Can't blame British Rail for that. (Nie możesz winić za to brytyjskiej kolei)

Mr. Praline: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop! (W takim razie, wracam do sklepu zoologicznego!)

He does.

Mr. Praline: I understand this IS Bolton. (Rozumiem, że to JEST Bolton)

Owner: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

Mr. Praline: You told me it was Ipswitch! (Powiedziałeś mi, że jestem w Ipswitch)

Owner: ...It was a pun. (To była gra słów)

Mr. Praline: (pause) A PUN?!? (Gra słów?!)

Owner: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that reads the same backwards as forwards? (Nie, nie gra słów... Jak się nazywa to coś, co czytane od prawej do lewej i od lewej do prawej wychodzi na to samo?)

Mr. Praline: (Long pause) A palindrome...? (Palindrom?)

Owner: Yeah, that's it! (Tak, to jest to!)

Mr. Praline: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

Owner: Well, what do you want?

Mr. Praline: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any further as I think this is getting too silly! (Nie jestem przygotowany na dalsze zasięganie informacji, jako że uważam, że to się zaczyna robić śmieszne!)

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... 



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1 komentarz:

  1. Super!
    Uwielbiam chłopaków z Monty Pythona. Mam nadzieję, że będzie więcej takich postów ;)

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